Wrangler Guide: “In the language of flowers, a single rose is an elegant and simple way to say: ‘I love you.’ _________ and ________, have chosen to give each other a rose, as a symbol of love, and as their first gifts to each other as husband and wife.”
[Bride and Groom now exchange roses.]
Wrangler guide: “_________ and __________, wherever you make your home, choose a special spot. At those times when words fail, leave your rose at that spot for the other to see. The rose will say “I still love you.” When you see your partner’s rose at this special place, accept it and accept the words that your spouse cannot speak, and remember the love and hope that you committed yourself to today.”
“__________ and _____________, it is simple practices like this that can give your love wings as your journey begins, and simple rituals like this that can become traditions which can help you fly through stormy times years down the road.”
Family Rose Ceremony
The Family Rose ceremony is exactly the same as above, except that the parents will give each child a different colored rose – each child will have a rose of his/her own color.
There are many ways to enjoy a Shared Cup of Wine ceremony. Feel free to use any of these examples as they are written, or to cut and paste them together in any way that has meaning for you, or write your own. (You may bring your own wines, or purchase from our retail liquor store.)
The first two examples here lend themselves to a shared family cup if you are blending two families, or to including your friends.
Cup Sharing Ceremony Example #1
The Wrangler Guide : Some wine is sweet, some is dry. Life has times of both.
________ & _______ now blend their two wines, just as they are blending their two separate lives into one.
[Bride adds white wine from her carafe to the “shared cup.” And groom adds red wine from his carafe to the goblet.]
This shared cup now has a blend of sweet, which brings to mind joy, hope, happiness; and dry wine which reminds us that we cannot avoid life’s challenges, disappointments and sorrows. Mixing them together represents your future journey together and all the experiences that you vow to share.
Over time, as a fine wine ages, it mellows, becomes more complex with many hints of flavors and becomes much more interesting. May your marriage do the same!
Taste this shared cup with an open heart and a willing spirit to face all that the future brings you.
The Wrangler Guide will then pass the cup to the bride, who will taste and pass to the groom who will then taste.
They may, after sharing the cup, pass the cup to friends and family to taste.
The Wrangler Guide may say: “By tasting from this cup, those of you who are sharing commit yourselves to support and encourage this new marriage, both in good times and in hard times.”
[It may be that you choose to serve a rosé or a blush later at the “after ceremony celebration.”
Cup Sharing Ceremony Example #2
Wrangler Guide: The blending of two wines, one sweet the other dry, can represent your commitment to share the fullness of your future life together – both sweet wine which brings to mind joy, hope, happiness; and dry wine which reminds us that we cannot avoid life’s challenges, disappointments and sorrows.
Sharing the cup represents your understanding that up until this moment, you lived two separate lives, but now the each of those two lives is lost in a new life. Mixing them together represents your future journey together and all the experiences that you vow to share.
Over time, as a fine wine ages, it mellows, becomes more complex with many hints of flavors and becomes much more interesting. May your marriage do the same!
Taste this shared cup with an open heart and a willing spirit to face all that the future brings you.
The Wrangler Guide will then pass the cup to the bride, who will taste and pass to the groom who will then taste.
They may, after sharing the cup, pass the cup to friends and family to taste.
The Wrangler Guide may say: “By tasting from this cup, those of you who are sharing commit yourselves to support and encourage this new marriage, both in good times and in hard times.”
[It may be that you choose to serve a rosé or a blush later at the “after ceremony celebration.”]
Cup Sharing Ceremony Example #3
Another version of the wine ceremony is that 2 glasses are poured and the bridal couple drinks while their arms are locked. This can be tricky, so some practice is recommended.
You live separate lives, but they are connected. You cannot drink without the help and cooperation of your spouse. Your spouse cannot drink without your help and cooperation.
Some days you will be stronger, and some days your spouse will be stronger.
You are not giving up your personalities, but, if you work hard, you will learn to bend when it isn’t easy, to be gentle and kind to each other.
Over time, as a fine wine ages, it mellows, becomes more complex with many hints of flavors and becomes much more interesting. May your marriage do the same!
Taste with an open heart and a willing spirit to face all that the future brings you.
Hand Tying Ceremony
A hand tying wedding ceremony involves the tying of hands together with a cord, ceremonial cloth, or colorful ribbons, to symbolize the coming together and remaining together. It can be used as a declaration of intent. Here are a couple examples of a hand tying ceremony; these two examples lend themselves to “mixing and matching.” Please feel free!
Hand tying Example #1
Wrangler Guide: _________ and ________, you have chosen to include the tradition of hand-fasting into your wedding ceremony today. Hand-fasting is a wedding ritual in which the couples’ hands are tied together as a symbol of their lives being joined together.
__________ and _________ , marriage forms eternal and sacred bonds. The promises made today bind your lives together. Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?
Bride and Groom: “Yes.”
Wrangler Guide: “Please hold your hands together, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you.”
These are the hands of your best friend, holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other and cherish each other through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.
A witness will now gently tie the bride and grooms hands together with a length of ribbon
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future.
A witness will now gently tie the bride and grooms hands together with another length of a different colored ribbon
These are the hands that will love you passionately, and, with the slightest touch, comfort you like no other.
A witness will now gently tie the bride and grooms hands together with another length of a different colored ribbon
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes- tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.
A witness will now gently tie the bride and grooms hands together with another length of a different colored ribbon
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief engulfs your heart.
A witness will now gently tie the bride and grooms hands together with another length of a different colored ribbon
These are the hands that will give you strength and support when you can’t do it alone.
A witness will now gently tie the bride and grooms hands together with another length of a different colored ribbon
These are the hands that, when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
A witness will now gently tie the bride and grooms hands together with a final length of a different colored ribbon
Blessing: (optional)
May these hands be blessed this day. May they always hold each other. May they have the strength to hang on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. May they remain tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. May they build a relationship founded in love, and rich in caring. May these hands be healer, protector, shelter, and guide for each other.
Hand tying Example #2
Wrangler Guide: _________ and ________, you have chosen to include the tradition of hand-fasting into your wedding ceremony today. Hand-fasting is a wedding ritual in which the couples’ hands are tied together as a symbol of their lives being joined together.
__________ and _________ , marriage forms eternal and sacred bonds. The promises made today bind your lives together. Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?
Bride and Groom: “Yes.”
Wrangler Guide: __________ and _____________ , please hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.
Wrangler Guide: Will you honor and respect one another, and seek to never break that honor?
Bride and Groom: “We will.”
Wrangler Guide wraps the cord once, loosely, over the couples’ hands.
Wrangler Guide: Will you share each others pain and seek to ease it?
Bride and Groom: “We will.”
Wrangler Guide wraps cord again over the hands.
Wrangler Guide: Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?
Bride and Groom: “We will.”
Wrangler Guide wraps cord again over the hands.
Wrangler Guide: Will you share each others laughter, and look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?
Bride and Groom: “We will.”
Wrangler Guide: wraps cord again over the hands, then ties together.
Wrangler Guide: __________ and ___________ , as your hands are now bound together, so your lives are joined in a union of love and trust. The knots of this binding symbolize the vows you have made. Like the stars, your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow.
May this knot of love remain forever tied, and may these hands be blessed. May they always be held by one another. May they have the strength to hold on tightly during the storms of life. May they remain tender and gentle as they nurture each other. May these hands build a relationship of love, caring, and devotion. May __________ and _______ see each others hands as healer, protector, shelter and guide.
Unity Candle Ceremony
Unity Candle Ceremony #1:
Before they are seated at the start of the ceremony, a friend or member from each family each light a taper candle, signifying their love for the bride and groom. These candles are on either side of the unity pillar candle.
After the exchange of vows, the bride and groom each take their taper candle and light the unity candle together, symbolizing the united love of the couple, and unifying the families as one.
Wrangler Guide: ____Groom______ and _____Bride_____ as you take the flames from two separate candles, representing your families and your individual lives, know that the center candle you are about to light is a candle of marriage, symbolizing the light of your love. It is a candle of unity because both must come together, giving a spark of themselves, to create the new light. And it is a candle of commitment because it takes two people working together to keep it aflame.
Please light the candle now.
May you love deeply and laugh much.
May you see many sunrises, and enjoy many rains.
May you dream together, and value the little moments.
May you continually discover each other,
and may your love grow,
as you share and listen carefully, open heart to open heart.
Unity Candle Ceremony #2:
The bride and groom each light their own candles from a side candle, then together light a center unity candle.
Wrangler Guide: ____Groom
______ and _____Bride_____, please light your candles.
The candles you hold represent your individual lives- all you are and have been up to this moment;
as you light the third candle and put out your own,
your two hearts, bonded by love, will become one.
Please light the center candle, to symbolize the union of your lives.
As you have lit this candle today, may it be a symbol of your commitment to each other, and may the flame of love in your hearts continue to burn brightly always.
“Two lives, two hearts formed together in friendship united forever in love.”
If children are old enough and responsible enough they may want to participate in a Unity candle ceremony.
Bride and groom and each child are invited to light a taper from A side candle. Then, when ready, all tapers are brought together to light the Unity Candle.
Sand Ceremony Example #1
Wrangler Guide: “Please note this empty glass. Glass itself is made from sand and the sands of time have come together, melting into one piece to make this vessel. The sands of time should remind us all of our eternal love and our mortality. Please __________ and ________ , pour your separate glasses of sand and alternate the pouring of sand into this joining vessel and united, repeat after me:
“You are my love for eternity.
I blend with you.
My heart is like these grains of sands, merging with yours.
I am yours.
You are mine.
We are together forever like the sand,
like the wind.
We are one.”
Sand Ceremony Example #2
Wrangler Guide: “_________ and ___________, today you join your separate lives together. The two separate bottles of sand symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate sets of friends. They represent all that you are and all that you’ll ever be as an individual. They also represent your lives before today. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers of sand will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will your marriage be.”
Sand Ceremony Example #3
Wrangler Guide: “Today, ________ and _________ , you have chosen to create a memory with the celebration of the Sand Ceremony. This ceremony symbolizes your union into a new and eternal marital relationship. Each grain of sand in their separate containers represents a unique and separate moment, decision, feeling or event that helped shape you into the separate and unique individuals that you are today. As you pour your separate containers of sand into a common vessel, those separate and independent individuals will cease to exist. Instead they will merge into a loving and supportive marital community. _________ and ______ , just as the grains of sand can never be separated into their individual containers again, so will your marriage be.”
Family Sand Ceremony
Here each participating child has his or her own carafe of colored sand, as well as the bride and groom’s colors. Each person takes turns pouring layers into the vase.
It may be more the rule than the exception that couples bring children with them into their marriage. It’s not at all unusual for both spouses to bring children with them! For this conversation, we are concerned with children from age 5 to full adulthood.
Why?
Including children in your ceremony is a wonderful and powerful way to strengthen new relationships, but do so carefully, thoughtfully, and always with each child’s assent.
If you are marrying a person who has children, you may feel that you are creating a new family, from their perspective they already are a family, and have been for a long time. They probably were not asked if they wanted a new adult in the family. It’s not uncommon for children to harbor the fantasy that their divorced parents will re-unite. For them, you’re wedding is another stage of loss and grieving that they may need to resist.
These children are a vital part of your new spouse. You cannot separate them, even if you do not like them. It is a serious mistake to underestimate how much happiness or grief they will bring to your future. You are responsible for the future you create with them.
Those children, especially if they are living with you, even part time, will play an enormous part in your future together. If you try to separate your spouse from your spouse’s children, if you make your spouse choose between you and the children, if you make those children feel unwelcome in your home, you are inviting unhappiness and suffering.
The bottom line is that you are also marrying these children. We suggest that you consider making these children an integral part of your life. That you choose to love them. That you desire their happiness.
Vows and unity ceremonies can be a way to help create healthy foundation bonds that will make the possibility of making a real family.
What it does to Children
Vows are a way for you to recognize that these children are significant. They are a central and significant part of your life, not “add-ons” or “baggage.”
Vows tell these children that they are important enough to be recognized.
Vows and blending ceremonies also enhance your bond with your spouse. These children are a part of your spouse, they are inseparable. When you accept the children, you love their mom or dad.
Vows reassure children that they are important to you , and wanted, and that they will not be abandoned. Does this sound silly to you? I assure you that something that the children of divorce and widowhood share a deep fear of abandonment.
Unasked for advice:
Vows are one way promises. They are one-sided; not “mutual contracts.” No strings attached, no expectations. Asking a child to make vows or promises to you is unfair and dangerous. Please do not pressure them in any way to respond. These children did not ask for this marriage, they have no choice. They may be grieving and angry and hurting. It is not their responsibility to build your new family – it is yours.
On the other hand, if they are excited about your marriage, then see what they come up with!
Example Vows to Children #1
[I wish I could give credit to the authors who wrote the article that contained these vows! Here is a small part that I copied, because I found them so beautiful.]
Groom: [To her children by name], I want you to know that I dearly love your mother. As you have shared this wonderful woman with me, so I will share the love I feel for her with you.
Together we will learn much more about each other. I promise to be fair and to be honest, to be available to you as I am for your mom, and in time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a new place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be father and friend, and I will cherish my life with all of you. Today, as I marry your mom, I marry you too, and make you my own. I gladly accept the responsibilities of becoming adviser, guide and friend to you, and preserving the unity of our family love with sincerity and affection.
Bride: [To his children by name], I want you to know that I dearly love your father. As you have shared this wonderful man with me, so I will share the love I feel for him with you.
Together we will learn much more about each other. I promise to be fair and to be honest, to be available to you as I am for your dad, and in time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a new place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be mother and friend, and I will cherish my life with all of you. Today, as I marry your dad, I marry you too, and make you my own. I gladly accept the responsibilities of becoming adviser, guide and friend to you, and preserving the unity of our family love with sincerity and affection.
[Notice the reference to “replace anyone.”]
Example Vows to Children #2
“I,____, take you, ____, to be my lawful wife – husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”
I, _______, take you now, in the presence of God and these witnesses, to be my wife – husband. I vow that I shall love you, honor you, respect you, cherish you and uphold this promise in good times and in bad as long as we both shall live.”
“________, I promise to be a good and faithful husband – wife to you, and as importantly a patient, loving father – mother to (children’s names), caring for them, supporting them, and providing for them as my own. I promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them with all my heart forever.”
Is this an ideal vow to present the children?
Did you notice that the vow was actually given to the bride rather than be directed to the children?
Did you also notice the promise to be a loving mother – father?
If the children have a living mother – father they will resent this promise. If the word parent was used instead it would not cause bitterness.
Example Vows to Children #3 Given to her children by the groom
“Today, as I married your mother, you became my family.
I am delighted because I love you.
I promise you that I’ll always shower you with love, take care of you and do my very best for you.”
Is this an ideal vow to present the children?
It may not be Ideal but close to it.
Did you notice that it was directed to the children?
It was a vow substantiated by facts. Though the groom states that the kids became his family he does not presume to present himself as their father or even parent.
He seems to promise them what was already in his heart.
Without fancy words, he basically promises to do his best for them.