Cowboy rules for Sundance Trail Dude Ranch
If you are a city dude, this list of rules may help you ease into being a dude ranch cowboy:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. Where did you ever get the idea that cowgirls are attracted to butt-cracks???
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.
3. They are horses/cattle/goats/chickens. That’s why they smell like they do. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10, I-40, I-70 and I-80 go east and west, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
4. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly.
5. The horses don’t spook at gunfire, but they do spook at cell phones ringing. If that cell phone rings while we are on a ride, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
6. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of age.
7. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
8. The Marlboro Man is dead – lung cancer. Modern cowboys, especially dude ranch cowboys, don’t smoke or chew. If you do, then don’t come here. Non-negotiable.
9. Turn down that stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your drawers! Refer back to #1!